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Moving on After a Rough Breakup

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Are you going through a rough breakup? Breakups can be tough no matter the circumstance, especially ones around the holidays. They can flip your life upside down and trigger unsettling emotions. It’s important to prioritize looking after yourself and let yourself feel all of your feelings. It’s normal for you to feel sadness, anger, frustration, and more after a break-up and it will take time to move forward. Healing after a breakup might require us to learn new ways of coping so that our emotions don’t control us. Some coping strategies for moving on after a rough breakup include: seeking support, maintaining distance from your ex, not avoiding negative emotions, and keeping yourself busy.

Seek Support

Support from others after a breakup is one of the most important steps on the path to healing. It’s important to connect face-to-face with trusted friends and family members, spend time with the people who support and value you, and cultivate new friendships. Talking to others who have gone through similar experiences or similar breakups can allow you to feel like you’re not alone in the situation and can help you to see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You can look to them for advice and to see how they got through it. Try to find people who you can trust and who listen to you without judgement. Building new friendships may also be a good idea, especially if you feel you may have lost some of your social network during the breakup. Try joining a new club or sporting team, which could also help take your mind off of the breakup.

Maintain Distance From Your Ex

After a breakup, try to set some boundaries for yourself and your ex partner. Breakups will often flip your daily routine on its head- and you might be used to talking to your ex partner daily. However, it’s important to keep a healthy distance from your ex. This might look different for everyone. Decide what communication, if any, is appropriate and commit to sticking to those boundaries. Keep social media a safe zone as well. You might decide to unfollow or block your ex or you may decide to stay connected on the platform. Either way, don’t let social media turn into a space for you and your ex to argue on. 

Don’t Avoid Negative Emotions

Don’t avoid the emotions you may be feeling during a breakup. A relationship breakup is a loss and it’s okay to feel disappointment, grief, confusion, etc. Recognize that it is normal to have those feelings and that they may be intense. These reactions will lessen over time. Let yourself sit with those feelings while they’re there. If you suppress your emotions, they may bottle-up to a point where you end up “exploding” or acting out in a harmful way. If these feelings last for an extended period of time, then it is important to reach out for help.

Keep Yourself Busy

Try to keep yourself occupied after a breakup by putting your energy into different goals you may have. This might mean going to the gym more to try that new workout class you’ve been considering, learning how to cook, or going on that trip you’ve always wanted to take. This will not only help keep your mind off of your significant other, but also let you feel proud of the things you’ve independently accomplished. Keeping yourself busy also allows you to stay off of your phone, which is one way you might be trying to maintain distance from your ex.

Reach out for Help

If you’re struggling to move on after a rough breakup, reach out for help. Chriselda Santos, licensed psychotherapist and certified life coach, can help you through it. If you are interested in learning more about Chriselda’s approach to therapy, or you want to book an appointment, visit her website