How Do You Know if You’re With the Right Person?
There are countless articles on the internet that focus on when to end a relationship, or how to get out of a toxic, manipulative, one-sided, or otherwise unhealthy relationship. But, how do you know if you’re with the right person? What defines a healthy and happy relationship? Below, we will take a look at some of the cornerstones to a healthy, long lasting relationship and help you decipher if you are indeed with a person who is right for you.
One of the most important things to take into account when thinking about your partner is how you communicate with each other. If you and your partner attentively listen to one another and show genuine interest in each other’s lives, this is a good sign. Does your partner remember the things you tell them about yourself? If not, this is a sign that your partner may not be as interested in you, and what you have to say, as they should be. Also, you don’t want the person you are with to always monopolize the conversation. If they are rarely asking you about your day, how you are feeling, what your thoughts are, or if you notice your partner tuning you out when you start to speak, they likely care about you being an audience for them more than they care about building a genuine connection.
In addition, conflict is inevitable in any relationship, even the healthy ones. How you deal with conflict could be the defining factor if you and your significant other are right for each other. You are in the right relationship if you and your partner handle conflict in similar or complementary ways. If you cannot disagree without it blowing up into a huge argument with no path to resolution, you may need to rethink your relationship. This does not mean you always have to be on the same page, but you must at least agree on how arguments will be handled and respect each other’s choices and argument styles. Essentially, if you are able to work through conflicts together and come out the other side ready to move on, without holding onto any long lasting resentment, you are in a sustainable and healthy relationship.
Mutual Happiness and Satisfaction
Next, assess how satisfied you feel in your relationship. This can be made easier by breaking your relationship down into categories: sex, finances, emotional intimacy, communication, etc. Then, assess how satisfied you feel in each area. If you feel highly satisfied in the major areas of your relationship, you are likely with someone who is a great match for you. If you have some areas you are concerned about, with the right person you should feel comfortable enough to bring up these concerns and work on bettering them together. If you don’t feel like you can talk to your partner about your concerns, or through assessing your satisfaction you realize you are greatly unsatisfied, it may be time to move on.
Equally important is how satisfied your partner is with your relationship. Both people should feel like they are benefiting from being together. If both partners feel the relationship is a valuable addition to their life and you gain joy from being together, you are a good match. It can be easy to get caught up in the idea of wanting a challenge, but you may end up chasing after someone who does not feel the same way. Don’t let yourself get lost in unrequited love; know now that if you are with the right person, they will be just as excited about you as you are about them.
No Abuse or Manipulation – of Any Kind
This may seem obvious, but if you are with the right person there should be no abuse or manipulation, of any kind, in your relationship. Unfortunately, love can blind us from the truth or convince us that red flags should be ignored. It is important to take a step back and listen to your intuition if something feels off about your relationship. Always remember, never “settle” for a relationship where abuse or manipulation is present. Do not kid yourself thinking you can change your partner’s negative behavior and habits. You cannot change others, as they need to change themselves and dedicate the time and effort to actively work towards intended change. Furthermore, if you are participating in manipulative or abusive behaviors, own up to your shortfalls and dedicate yourself to making the changes you need to make in order to be a part of a healthy, supportive partnership.
Disagree and Humble Yourselves
The right person doesn’t need to be a carbon copy of all your opinions and beliefs. You will disagree. In fact, diversity of thought between two people is positive and helps us grow and learn everyday. As long as you and your partner don’t shame each other for your differences, and rather support each other the best you can, there is long term potential. The right one, as with anyone, will have flaws and differences. If you can acknowledge these flaws and still tolerate and love them, you may have found the one for you. There should be no pressure for either of you to be perfect 24/7 because that is unrealistic.
Along these lines, it is important to also humble yourself and acknowledge your own flaws. Don’t try to hide your flaws, because they will inevitably come out sooner or later. The right person should take you for who you are. Practice learning to admit your wrongs and ask for forgiveness. Also, give your partner the same care and learn to forgive them for their mistakes. We are all human, mistakes are bound to happen. Being with the right person should also, however, inspire you to work on your weaknesses so you can be the best version of yourself possible.
Make Time for Each Other
It is important that you and your partner both give as much as you take. The balance won’t always be 100% equal, but it should never feel like you are constantly giving and not receiving anything in return. The right one should want to take the time to get to know you and your needs, and then make equal effort to keep you happy. You should want to do the same for your partner! The only way you can truly get to know each other is through quality time together. The right one will, again, make a noticeable effort to make time for you and your relationship.
How Seeing a Therapist Could Help
If you are still struggling to decide if you are with the right person, talking to a professional may help. Chriselda Santos, at Life Balance Therapy, is dedicated to helping you gain a deeper understanding of yourself, thus bringing clarity to the relationships in your life. Seeing a therapist can open your eyes to patterns, behaviors, and truths you may not recognize yourself. To book an appointment today, or for more information, visit the Life Balance Therapy website.