Does He Like Me?
This is a question every single girl says at some point during her dating journey. We think about it. We obsess about it. We play and replay every action and every work dissecting it beyond recognition. Why are we so concerned about what he thinks? As I watch friends navigate this process, it seems like they are so concerned about whether or not their love interest is interested in them that they forget to decide if they even like the guy. It is almost as if they want to be in a relationship so badly that they will overlook important red flags or downplay their wants and needs in a partner. They find themselves saying things like, “He’s not working now because he is taking time off to decide what he wants in a career” or “He’s not insecure and controlling, he just loves me so much he can’t stand to be apart.” No! He’s riding the unemployment train with no intention of finding a job. Run! He wants to control you and no amount of reassurance will ever make him feel secure in your relationships. Someone who loves and trusts you will give you the space you need to be an individual. If a man is worth your time, you don’t need to make excuses for him.
If you are consistently doing the heavy lifting in your relationships, it is time to establish boundaries and find balance. Women who choose partners (even that word signifies that both people contribute) who give to them more equally are more confident, happier and have higher self-esteem. They also have the confidence and self-esteem not to put up with partners who will not do their part.
I can hear you now….this all sounds great, but no man wants me! Nonsense! There are men out there for every woman regardless of shape, size, and ethnicity, whatever. Sure, there will be men who are not attracted to you for some reason, just like there are great men that won’t be what you want. It doesn’t make them unlovable. All too often, the women I work with seem to think that just because a man is not attracted to them, they are damaged. This is not the case, but when you act like you are damaged, men will run and the men who don’t run probably won’t be healthy for you.
Stop wasting your time trying to figure out what he thinks and if he wants you. Instead, invest your energy in yourself. If you become the person you want to be, the right man will not only find you, he will find you irresistible. When you invest in yourself, you get to decide whether you want him, not the other way around. Don’t wait around hoping that some man will give you the life you want. Make the life you want and find a relationship that compliments it.
Posted by Michelle Lewis LCSW