A study conducted by the Austin Institute found that unfaithfulness in a marriage accounted for around 37 percent of divorces in the U.S. While infidelity is not an easy thing to heal from, there are ways to cope with it and try to repair your relationship. Figuring out how to move forward will take work and it all starts with being honest about why it happened and good communication from both parties in the relationship.

Honesty / Communication

If you have cheated on your partner, be sure to answer any and all questions they may have with 100% honesty, even if it’s difficult. In one study of 1,083 betrayed husbands and wives, those whose spouses were the most honest felt better emotionally and reconciled more completely. Try to keep talking and listening, no matter how long it takes. On the other hand, if you just found out your partner was having an affair, ask lots of questions. It’s important to balance your rage with your need for information. You may want to cry and scream, but to get the truth you should show compassion for your partner. 

Taking Responsibility

If you were having an affair, blaming your partner for the affair won’t heal your marriage. Take responsibility and ownership for your own actions. Show that you are regretful and remorseful through not just your words but your actions too. Then, move forward with brutal honesty and care. You should have a high level of transparency with your partner moving forward.

Set a Time Limit on Talking About It

Talking about the affair all day every day won’t heal your marriage or make you feel good. Don’t let the affair take over your lives. Try to limit yourselves to 15 to 30 minutes. Don’t be afraid to ask the questions you need because you don’t want resentment to build up, but remember, you don’t want the affair to be talked about for hours on end.

Couples Therapy

Couples therapy can help you and your partner get to the bottom of your issues. It can help the betrayed partner (as well as the perpetrator) better understand how the affair came to happen so it no longer seems like a random, unpredictable event. No therapist can fix anything in one visit, but it’s possible for marriage counseling to help after infidelity over time. It takes hard work, but it is worth it. Couples who are barely hanging onto their relationship can come to couples therapy to learn how to manage their expectations and begin a new and joyful life together. If you’re looking for the right therapist for you, Life Balance Therapy and Chriselda Santos works to help families and marriages repair, recover, and thrive. Chriselda often works with couples in crisis and provides therapy for those who are thinking about ending a relationship, but are confused and don’t know what they want. If you’re ready to get started, you can schedule an appointment HERE.